Time is passing, i have not decided yet, which path is best for my life? there is lots of energy in human's soul and mind. all you need to do is to orient it, give it a direction, find a path to follow, a path which is best for you. i keep thinking and thinking,,

i have always been interested in "knowledge and science". so i can use my life in knowledge field. one good point about it is that it never comes to an end, there are always new things to learn, and it is challenging enough to satisfy an ambitious person like me.

Here it comes the question, "Science" is such a general word and can come in variety of fields: Mathematics, engineering, medical, psychology, social, etc. can i learn all of them? sure nobody can enter all of these fields deeply as we have short lives.

I am working... I wake up early in the morning everyday,, go to work on the 5th flour of this building, working in a team with other members and a leader. Everyday, after working for 8-9-10 hours I leave the company and go home, this is how I have spent my life for past 2 years..

I have seen lots of "bread worriers". this is how i name them, bread worriers are people who spend their lives working for the goal of preparing material for their lives. preparing good food, good clothing, good car, good house,whatever...

reading my writings which belong to past time, I see a different person with different struggles in her mind and soul... still there are many things that make my mind busy, but the fact is this : I have grown and this is a heppy happening. living in the real society, watching real people, smelling real smells, tauching and feeling the real life .. all of this can be such a greaaaaaaaaat teacher!

Its not been a long time since iranian women started working outside their homes and have serious jobs. yet in this moment only 20% of us have jobs, others are house-wives or just live with their parents without being able to handle themselves financilay. fortunately this number of working women is growing as we have lots of female univiersity students (more than 50% of all students) i hope that in future things will get into a good balance and all women will work equally with men, 50-50 :)

but anyhow, when you wish a good future for yourself and your sisters, it means you have to fight for it, and try hard to change this selfish male theory that says "all high things belong to men and low ones remain women". this wrong opinion exists in most iranian men's brains! however they will finally have to leave it...


iranian culture is in transition from traditional toward modern. in traditional families, girl was trained to become a housewife and just do house hold chores, in other hand, boy was supposed to learn a skill, get a job and manage his future family. in iran today, things are different, some girls learn skills too, go to work and make money, but men haven't adjusted themselves with new situation yet. its so hard for them to see a girl doing the same job as they do, as well (or even better) than them. sometimes they tell some type of jokes, or words, obviously with the purpose of hurting their female colleagues and making the environment difficult and unfriendly for women.

and they find the easiest way for offending us, by reminding the typical image of traditional women we might be!! jokes such as this one" whats the use of your effort in learning technical knowledge? you think you need it when washing baby diapers? " and burst of laugh after that can be even more annoying..

but in fact, in opposite of what they think, its men themselves who should feel ashamed when remembering iranian tradiational women. our ancestors didn't let women learn anything other than house chores, and then claimed that women were good only for house chores!,,, its silly.


PS:
i dont know how the adds came into my blog comments, i just removed them.

Ramadan, Ramadan, Happy Ramadan!
hehe,
happy?
how is it possible to be happy with Ramadan?

for me Ramadan means staying hungry for hours and hours, have no energy to work, get headache, and wait impatiently for sunset! it makes no difference if you believe in "fasting" or not, you must be hungry and thirsty because GOD wants so!! this is what living in ISLAMIC REPUBLIC means, this is what stupidity means!

don't need to remind me the old funny story about how Ramadan lets us taste the hunger that hurts poor people!, its just deceiving ourselves! if one of those firm fasting ladies or gentlemen agree to spend even 5% of his/her monthly salary for poor hungry people, then i will beleive they really care for them! but just staying hungry and forcing others fast? has nothing to do with poor people! it is silly!

in the company i work, restaurant serves no food during the Ramadan, and if you decide to bring your lunch from home there is no place for eating it. this is how they make you hate Islam and all its nasty rules which are supposed to bring happyness and luckyness for human!

Finally, i have a firm full-time job. and i should say that i was so lucky that could get this job as an engineer, in a rather good, big company in Tehran. i have a regular monthly payment which is high in comparison with average wage for a fresh graduated engineer like me. i love it to be financially independant, however, its not easy to call it "independant" if i do some simple calculations like this : i should save all my salary for 3 years continously to afford a car, i should save it all for 13 years to be able to buy the smallest cheapes apartment in the worst location of Tehran, i should pay all my monthly salary to rent that apartment! but its still OK, i keep living with my family and try to let positive thoughts and ideas enter my mind, but not negative ones!
most other iranians are living the same situation and i'm one of them, i'm proud of myself that i can be active enough to make my own money. it tastes so good to me :)

Doing a full-time job makes you spend lots of hours with your colleagues, it seems like being in the heart of the society, i get to know more people and know people more! the only thing i dont like about it is the lack of sport, cinema, books, and being with friends.

i also like to update my blog more often, i got lots of encouraging emails and like to keep this window open, it lets others have a look at my world and lets me have a look at their world and sometimes wave hands for passengers who are passing .

Just a Lady said...
Hi there Fatema, well come back. But I have this question in my mind, what are you for real? I mean when you put off that mask? Unmasked, you want to be more like…………. unveiled and loud, or, oh sorry just wondering. You seem to loathe your way of life so much. What ideal country or nation do you have in mind? Please don tell me “I don need the west” cause naturally you guyz are craving for “the west” way of life. Any ways, it is up to you guyz to catch up with the west. Look for ward to read your posts.


there are some parameters that show us how good and healthy a system (society- country- nation) is, i can name some of them, for example: equality, justice, freedom, welfare, education, strong economy, etc. these parameters dont belong to any special nation, not west not east, these are definitions of the quality of life. all countries, all governmental systems, should try to get as close as possible to these parameters. its clear that no country has been able to provide them 100% as we know there s no ideal thing in this world, but some countries are closer and some are further. west is closer i think. Iran is moving toward this goal, it still has a long way but we should try to accelerate this movement. WE, as members of this society, and not anybody else.

when i say women shouldnt be forced to wear hijab, it doesnt mean i crave for western countries, but i crave for freedom and equality.

Here i am again,
after a rather long time i feel i can write again.

Tehran is so hot. 42c today and will be 44 tomorrow. i cant stand my clothes, this nasty hijab bothers me everyday and every minute and every moment of the day! hurts my body and my soul. but it doesnt keep me from being active, im not dead tired yet.

i go to work everyday, while my male colleagues wear cool Tshirts, i have to stand my heavy warm dark long clothes. i also dont forget to wear my mask, a kind of behaviour mask, showing yourself what you really are not! the first thing you learn in iran is how to "Pretend!". its more essential for life than water is! you choose a kind of role that keeps you safe. like the one i chose, a calm serious girl who doesnt think of anything but her work, someone who obeys well with a very simple routine life! and god! how much i hate telling lie! its so difficult to play the role you are not! little by little, you find out that all other people around you are wearing masks too, and you see eachother everyday and work in the same place but never have the chance of knowing eachother truly. the hope for finding real friends is lost for ever. life is so artificial. no smell, no color, no beauty.

-what made you open a blog, why did you feel that need?
i started learning English since i was a child and few years ago i decided to start writing an English blog just and just to improve my English, then, after i started writing i faund out i was expressing things that made my mind busy, mostly about politics, society, my inside thoughts and opinions, things like this. i also got lots of encouraging emails from different countries, so i liked blogging and kept doing it till now.

in opposite of what you guessed - feeling a need for blogging- no, it was not that at first, but now i see that i have opend a kind of winodow that i can talk to different people around the world (through my blog i mean) and its so nice, it's a good opportunity. you know, if you live in a small circle and just communicate people around you like your friends, family, colleages, etc means that you communicate people who are somehow similar to yourself, and you will lose the chance of being in touch with different ideas and thoughs. BUT IF you talk to different variety of people means you will have access to a much wider variety of thoughts and ideas, and it can be wonderful for a growing soul.


-Is it something many Iranians like to do?
you must mean blogging, well lots of them like to blog, but not many iranians have access to internet yet, and many of them are not familier with blogs, but still there are thausands of iranian blogs, mostly in persian.


-Do you feel free to write there anything you want?
HHHMMMMMmmmm... i criticize things that i think are not fair, i dont hesitate criticizing government or religion and it can be dangerous and put me in trouble, but also i never curse, both because i dont like curse and because i dont want to make anybody seriously angry to start looking for me.

just know that what i write in my blog i would never ever been able to publish them in a magazine or newspaper. we are not this free, also if i had written my real name plus my family name in this blog i wouldnt feel safe then, right now i feel safe cause i think its not that easy to find me. in the real life i dont feel free to say what i think is right, it could be dangerous. right now there are some students who are in preson because of talking and saying their opinions. and everybody knows it but nobody can do anything.



-What are your fears and your hopes, the complaints you have, the problems,
the contraints you face?
my fears and my hopes... i hope that iranian people start to know the real face of Islam as soon as possible, i really hope that. cause then we will be able to grow and develop. people should realize that in 21th century superstition and religion can do nothing and it is science that can work and build a country and bring a happy life for people.

as a muslim girl living in a society mixture of Islam, tradition, developing movement, i can feel many constraints and stress, some of them are applied by government but most of them by culture and traditional lifestyle, i wish that government could help us removing the wrong traditions by using its powerful facilities like TV,educational system,.. but they dont help that much, even sometimes make things worse. like this forcefull hijab law in iran, which is direct interfering in personal life of a woman ( what is more personal than chosing what to wear?) and is constraining women.



-Will you vote in the elections next week? What do you expect of them? And the West Europe, America etc. How do you feel
about them?
NO, im not going to vote, because its useless. living in a country that dictatorship governs on it, i can't find any reason to vote!. "ISLAMIC REPUBLIC OF IRAN", hearing its name you might think its a kind of republic governing system, but in fact its just playing game with words. putting that word "islamic" can effect it more than what you expect.

in this country we have a leader who is not chosen by election and who will not be leader just for 4 years but for ever, till he is alive. theres no difference between this leader and a king or a dictator. ALSO, this leader is a religious one and it can make things even worse! he has such a holy face in media that nobody can criticize him. its him who has the main control of anything in his hand, the main power! its him who can say who can be a president and who can not. its him who can decide which article can be published in newspapers and which one cant. all power is concentrated in his hands, and president will be just a showman and election is a show!
so i see no reason to vote. we still have a long way to a democratic country and real elections.



-And the West -Europe, America etc. How do you feel about them?
i dont expect anything from western countries. im old enough not to believe stories about starting war with a country in order to help its people. its a joke! i never ever agree with any kind of war, i prefer the nasty situation we already have much more than a war. here we are working, things will get better, perhaps its not that fast but it IS getting better and i can feel it. after some generations Iran will be a better place to live, But war does nothing but destroy and hurt! i hate war. so the only thing i expect western countries is to prevent war.

how do i feel about these countries? well, people are nice i like them. and i myself have never ever felt any animosity with any country. when i was a school girl, they made us repeat and shout "down with USA" in school and we did so without having any feeling about what we said. and now that im not a child i know that nobody can make me shout anything i dont believe, anymore. and i dont want anything bad ever happen for American people nor for any other nation in the world. we are all human beings and we all have lots of things in common with each other, geographical lines are nothing but lines!

Our Protest Against Violations of Women's Rights in the Iranian Constitution

I was here today...

i shouted for my rights, i shouted for our rights, i enjoyed shouting! and i enjoyed being with them, when you see that you are not alone in your pain, it will make the pain easier

HAGH GEREFTANIST, NA DADANI!!

*picture is from this site www.kosoof.com
*There are more photos here and here and also here

TV is on just as it always is, its showing an interview with a Lady from Britain, they ask her about her trip to Iran, she says its been so nice lovely and she had liked the architecture and art of iran and also she thinks that iranian people are so nice and kind, then they ask her what she thinks about iranian women, she says that first she had thought it was so constraining that iranian women had to wear scarves but then after she had tried it she had liked it! then she says that when she comes back to Britain in the airport she had taken off her scarf and she had felt like being naked and unsecure!.. i dont know why this lady didnt mention that if she had liked it this much, why didnt she continue wearing it?!

then it shows some parts of the video she had taken in iran walking in a park with her friends while she was wearing a red nice light scarf which was so much different from what we have to wear in universities or at work!..

i dont blame her of course, she had just said her opinions, as a tourist it had been fun to her carrying this light red handkerchief on her head for few days, but when you are born here as a muslim girl and you are about to live here a whole life, things get different. Me, as a girl who loves working and never ever is going to become a house wife, i know that i will have to wear serious heavy dark colored hijab, at least 8 hours a day for ever, this fact is powerful enough to make me mad! even if hijab brings security for women (that i belive in opposite, it cause to unsafe situations for them) still this little bit of security is not worth it standing such a nasty dress code!

Why and why shouldn't iranian governmental TV ever ask an IRANIAN lady what she thinks about hijab? those who agree with hijab have told what they think but those who doesnt like it (me for example!) never been able to say their words, if you search all controlled media in iran, tv, radio, magazines, newspapers, you can find nobody expressed anything negative about hijab though i know thausands of women hate hijab and wear it just and just because they have to...!

YES, these islamic new-born noblemen governing Iran try hard to pretend that everybody in this world loves the same nasty superstitious islamic laws as they love! shame on them!